Hey, Milkman!™ - a home-delivery milk service in baltimore, maryland

Hi Gang. Well, I’ve officially become fully integrated into the Matrix.  I’ve purchased a mini-van. Is it ironic that the same year I turn 40, is the year I purchase a mini van?  A few weeks ago while waiting for a meeting, the oldies station in Baltimore was playing in the background.  After endless Kenny G and Celine Dion “two-fers,” I heard the familiar strains of “With or Without You” by U2.  Could this be right? Was the radio station taken over by a renegade band of vigilantes bent on ridding the planet of crappy music?  Nope! The song played on and for the first time in my life, I felt old.  When that song was released in 1987, it was bigger than big. It transcended music. It was art,poetry and the answer to all the world’s problems wrapped in album form, to me anyway.  I’m getting the gray at the temples, tired all the time and someone actually called me old when they saw 1969 on my drivers license as my date of birth.  Bad form in my opinion! LOL. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her shoes did not match her bag. The Horror!

40 is the new 20 right.? The thing is though, there’s no college keggers, semi-formals or final exams in my future. Nope. I’ll be busy going to brownie meetings, shopping for WebKinz and monitoring Hannah Montana’s latest episode for coming signs of the apocolypse.  Is the Hannah Montana phenomenon the secret 8th Seal opend by the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse?  She’s 15 and has an autobiography about her thoughts on life and such. What do you know at 15, save the fact that you know everything? I better not get too far into the Hannah Montana controversery, lest Billy Ray comes after me and tries to Achy Breaky my face.

Check out the site in a few weeks as we’ll be raising our prices on a few things. This is long overdue as I haven’t raised them in 3 years.  Hope you all are enjoying the great weather.

Hey guys and gals. If you need the freshest turkey in the state just let me know.  I’ll be taking orders for turkeys to be delivered the weekend before turkey day. Hurry while supplies last. I’ve always wanted to say that!

Let me introduce to a truly old soul. A gal whose character is unvarnished and pure. The ravages of time and experience have not jaded her to the point of callous indifference.  The kindness and joy in which she lives her life are examples to those who would hold the highest office in the land would benefit from by emulating her.  She’s not running for public office.  Given the fact that her campaign funds are limited to those that exist in her piggy bank and she’s eight years old it kind of limits her options. 

If I may indulge you for a moment, let me explain.  One bright fall day she comes home with a worried look on her face.  The look that says, “I may or may not have accidentally set the school library on fire and you may be getting a call from the school principal,” look.  So we ask her what’s wrong.  She says that she’s afraid that we’ll be mad when she tells us. She threw away her lunch today and purchased the school lunch (chicken patty on bun, tater tots, broccoli florets and chilled milk- or something like that! lol)  We asked if she didn’t like her choice of an uncrustable sandwich -(which in the humble opinion of this milk-man is a close second to my all time Hall of Fame Sandwiches- 1) The original Chic-Fil-A sandwich; 1a) Turkey Terrific (thanksgiving between velvety Portuguese bread- found only on Nantucket and 1b) the grape and peanut butter uncrustable.)  She said that was fine but she wanted to have lunch with Timmy. Now, Timmy is a classmate of hers that had severe food allergies and was forbidden to eat with the other kids.  This brown-eyed cutie said that she was tired of seeing him eat alone every day and when she saw that she had a peanut butter sandwich, which was one of his allergies, she chucked her lunch and bought something that Timmy was not allergic to.  She then went out and had lunch with Timmy. After that her teachers instituted a policy that kids could volunteer to eat with Timmy on a daily basis, much to Timmy’s delight.  That is the coolest thing that I’ve ever heard of-EVER! 

Do you know the difference between sympathy and empathy?  Sympathy is something that you can say, “Man, that sucks to be you.”  Empathy is something that you say, especially when it happens to someone close to you, “Man, that would suck to be me and I can relate.”  At the time of the lunch incident , she was 6 years old.  I know 42 year old men that have no concept of empathy nor sympathy.  I remember one particular lad looking at me in shocked amazement when learning of my family’s volunteer work during the holidays.  He actually said to me that he could not see himself doing things for people that he didn’t know.  I guess he’s never been cold or hungry.  I have. My family has. And we pulled thru with the help of both friends and strangers.  Based of this lesson, could we all not learn a lesson from an 8 year old with an infectious laugh and a darling heart?  Imagine the things possible if we all could empathize with each other, if only for a brief moment?

I know the above passages represent a sappy, weepy dad heaping praise upon his offspring. I mean if I can’t get sappy with her who can I get sappy with? It would sound weird if I was writing about your kid. Right?   Her name in the language of her people means, “Peace and Joy.”  May I introduce you to my inspiration, my validation for being, my lovely, curly haired beauty: Sydney. I hope you have your own “Sydney’s” to learn from. I know my world is better because of my peace and joy.

 Stayed tune for next week’s intro: The Golden Lass of Music City Maryland

A Flux Capacitor you say? A flux capacitor makes time travel possible! Does anyone remember the 1985 classic sci-fi comedy, “Back to the Future?”  If not see www.wikipedia.com for a full breakdown on the movie, its’ plot and yada,yada,yada.  In the course of your research you will come across something called the Flux Capacitor.  This item is what makes Marty McFly, the films main character, able to go retro for real and travel to 1955. 

When you guys, my fellow charm city-ites, (huh?), click on heymilkman.com you are in essence using a flux capacitor. With just a few clicks, you can have Maryland’s tastiest dairy products delivered right to your door.  A blending of the old, milk delivery, and new, rockin out in cyberspace, is the cornerstone of Hey,Milkman!  Give it a try, it’s your destiny. (footnote: the last phrase was a quote from Back to the Future and not Hey,Milkman’s attempt at mellow drama)

When I got my first “real” job after college, I thought I had to act, dress, talk, walk and act different now that I was plugged into the Matrix! lol I had my own computer from which I produced countless, inane letters, memos and TPS reports day in and day out.  My own little office space adorned with a poster of Bob Marley, which raised a few conservative eyebrows among the highbrows in the office.  I even thought that I had to drink coffee, Starbucks to be exact, which I never was nor currenlty am a fan of.  As part of this job, from time to time, the firm would arrange to conduct focus groups on an array of topics.  One week it may be a poster for the National Highway Safety and Traffic Adminstration that we’d ask John Q. Public their opinion about its message. With the next one discussing a certain color scheme for a FEMA brochure.  Lots of fun exciting stuff I can assure you.  Why this little peek behind my own version of Oz’s curtain?  I thought you’d never ask!  LOL

 When developing the idea for a milk delivery business, my original name for the company was going to be “The Milk Man.”  The thought being that when asked about where you got that glass bottle of milk you could say, “The Milk Man.” To which they’d respond, “yeah I know but what’s the company’s name?”  An Abbott and Costell-esque “who’s on first” scene unfolds and hilarity ensues!  Or is it just me and my pesky, bothersome inner monlogue?  My good friend Joe, threw out the idea of a name that implies action, thus “Hey, Milkman!” was born.  No focus groups,  no qualitative and quantitative research, just a gut feeling that Hey,Milkman! was a really cool name and just felt right, you know?

On my delivery adventures each sunday, when I ring the bell and hear the patter of little feet run to the door a smile tends to creep across my face.  When the door is opened and the kids see that its me, what do you think they yell out?  If you guessed “Hey,Milkman!” you’ve just earned 10 Gold Stars! GOOD JOB!  Now these kids don’t know that my company’s name is Hey,Milkman! They say it because it just seems and feels right.

Pretty Groovy….huh?

It’s cool being a Milkman. Now I know that these days that’s not the benchmark for coolness, but in my world its pretty cool.  It gives me the opportunity to support a local business-South Mountain Creamery; be the master of my domain as it were; and interact with my fellow marylanders.  In this day of instant access to virtually anything from news to music to movies, we are becoming more and more disconnected from each other.  Think about it, we are constantly text messaging each other, have a blue tooth or ear buds fused to our ears or are surfing the net for the latest news on Britney.  One Word on her: OY! 

 Being a Milkman for Hey,Milkman! allows me to interact with people I may never have had a chance to meet.  Now while our interaction maybe be brief, I still enjoy the time spent with you guys. Whether its talking about Mayor Dixon or how the kids are doing, that little time spent relating to one another only enriches the customers experience with Hey,Milkman!  When I first was thinking about doing this, I knew the product end was taken care of. The milk and other products from SMC are first rate and thus would sell themselves.  The hard part was trying to convince people that hopping on board the Hey,Milkman! train was worthwhile.  There are those now who are waiting to see if it’s worthwhile.  If you try it I think you’ll see that it is.  I may not do everything right.  But I do know that heaven forbid if anything does go wrong, Hey,Milkman! will always do the right thing. After all we are, “REAL NICE DAIRY HUN!”

Greetings fellow Charm City-ers ?? ites?? from Music City, Maryland. (that’s Catonsville in case you map quested Music City,Maryland and came up empty)  When I started Hey,Milkman! I thought it was important to come up with a corporate credo that sums up the cat known as PJ (that’s me) and Hey,Milkman!.  Something that as soon as someone read it, whether they know me or not would say,”I know what this guy and his company is all about.”  I’m not clever enough to come up with my “Ask not what your country can do for you,” moment, so instead I relied on that great American environmentalist, philosopher and poet: Henry David Thoreau.  The following is a quote from him and encapsulates everything that Hey, Milkman! stands for.  Check it out:

“Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises?  If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.”

OK, first of all you know I hear a different drummer because who in the world starts a home delivery business for dairy products? Well, I do and secondly I was a drummer in elementary school and has always been my instrument of choice.  I’m getting off topic but you dig where I coming from? 

 Check out the site as it is ready to roll.  You can find out more about Hey,Milkman! frequently asked questions, place orders etc.  Sign up for more info and we’ll be seeing you guys on the flip flop.

Peace out,

PJ

The Milk Guy

Hey everybody, thanks again for everyone’s patience as we get our website de-bugged and all hashed out. Speaking of hash, I prefer the corned beef variety, who’s hungry? Sorry, I digress. To start things off just take a peek 4 inches to your right on the screen. See the Sign -up email page. Just enter your email address and I’ll receive an email from you.
Until we get the shopping cart worked out, we’re going old school- paper order forms. I know in this wi-fi world that seems archaic, but its a tried and true method. I can email each of your the order form and you can email it back to me or fax it to our office. Now if I start writing all of your orders on the back of a shovel by candlelight then we may have issues! lol I know that’s an obscure Abe Lincoln reference but hey if I wasn’t doing this I’d probably be a high school history teacher.

So let’s review:

1) You sign up
2) I email you back an order form
3) You order
4) I deliver yummy dairy goodies- starting July 1

Please note that there is a refundable $25 sign-up fee. Think of it as a security deposit like you put down for your first place. If you decide to stop service for any reason you will receive the deposit back less any outstanding invoices.

Also there is a $1.50 bottle deposit per bottle. So once you return the bottles to Hey, Milkman!- that’s me, your account will get credited back per bottle returned.

I can’t wait to pull my truck up to your house and deliver some of the greatest dairy products in town. So say it in your best Baltimore accent- “Hey, Milkman!…Real Nice Dairy!”

Well, after two years of wrangling, fanagaling (not sure how to spell it but hey how often can you use fangaling in a sentence?) and putting all my cows in a row, here it is, Hey Milkman! We are up and running, finally. We started delivery on July 1, 2007 to a select group of very special families. Those people ordered from me and lo and behold on sunday morning they had fresh delicious dairy products delivered right to their door. See how easy it is?
Every journey begins with that first step. While my first step may pale in comparision to Neil Armstrong’s July 1969, “one small step for man” moon walk, it was a giant leap for me. (I told you if I wasn’t doing this I’d probably be a history teacher somewhere.) Hey, I was born in July of 1969…Cool and not cool because I’m officially 20 years removed from high school! Ouch.

From henceforth I shall refer to the original families that ordered that fateful day July 1, 2007 as, the Band of the Hand. (Remember the campy 80’s classic movie Band of the Hand?) No? Why am I the only one that digs that movie? Five families forming the nucleaus of a community seeking the perfect glass of milk. My name is PJ of Hey,Milkman! and I’m dedicated to providing your family that perfect glass of milk. Charm City just got creamier.

Do you wanna join us in our quest?